To discover the secret of happiness, it seems easier to peel away layers of meaning from this complex word than to give a firm answer. In other words, it’s easier to define what happiness is not than to hit the mark and respond with certainty that we know its secrets.
Those who have spent decades studying it, such as Yale’s happiness professor Laurie Santos, are clear that we have fallen into certain traps when thinking about happiness. And indeed, in a sense, its best‑kept secret is deeply counterintuitive. Happiness is not found in all the things we’ve associated with it.
The order of things
What do you need to be happy? If any one of us were asked that question, we would probably dodge the clichés. We wouldn’t say happiness lies in having money, but while money does not buy happiness… we never stop thinking of it as a key factor for living with a degree of personal satisfaction. How can we be happy if we are not successful?
The error is obvious to happiness expert Laurie Santos, whom we interviewed for Cuerpomente. “From the perspective of the science of happiness, I’d say the ‘secret’ isn’t really a secret at all, but it runs against many of our intuitions,” she replies when asked about the enigma of happiness.
“We often think happiness comes from external achievements: landing the perfect job, getting a raise, buying a new car or even finding the ideal romantic partner. But research tells us there’s a simpler way to feel better: we need to focus on social connection,” Santos tells this publication.
Social connection at the centre
The Harvard Adult Development Study famously confirms what Laurie Santos argues here: one of the world’s major predictors of happiness today is meaningful relationships. That is why, she explains, “even small acts, like sharing a laugh with a friend or chatting with a stranger, can give us a surprisingly big boost to wellbeing.”
Her explanation is simple, yet revealing: “We are programmed to connect, and investing in our relationships is one of the most reliable ways to feel happier in daily life.”
Beyond traditional connection
What Laurie Santos says is perhaps most revealing is that she points in a somewhat counterintuitive direction: relationships matter in the broadest sense of the word, from the relationship we maintain with a stranger to the bond we share with a partner.
That is to say, we should not wait for love to knock on the door, in the most romantic sense of the word, to be happy. We must go about capturing love in all its forms, recognising that we are connected to everyone around us. “In many Eastern traditions there is a strong emphasis on interdependence, mindfulness and community,” explains Santos, “which can offer powerful lessons on slowing down, prioritising relationships and finding joy in the collective, rather than solely in the individual.”
Her message feels crucial in an era when unwanted loneliness presents itself as a quiet epidemic that not only makes us unhappy but also shortens life. The digital realm does not help, for we need, as philosopher José Carlos Ruiz would put it, to relate—and that implies presence, body, direct contact.
Seek community and you’ll find happiness
Therefore the secret of happiness appears to lie in something as old as life itself: living in community. Getting to know your neighbours, greeting the supermarket cashier by name, and, ultimately, feeling that you are part of a larger social network.
For Laurie Santos this is a reality, and she explains it as part of our very physiology. “Humans are social creatures; our brains are designed to connect,” she asserts.
Connecting with others, even in the simplest daily gestures, provides us with emotional support networks, a sense of belonging and opportunities to share joy. “All of which,” notes Santos, “enhances our mood and wellbeing.”
So, instead of chasing the next pay rise, dreaming of a promotion or investing energy in dazzling at the office, Santos’s advice points toward the everyday. Join a book club, take part in local community events, get to know your neighbours, stop postponing that coffee with a friend and be grateful for the wonderful people in your life. Because, as Santos reveals, science has shown that there is no need to wait for success to be happy.
In fact, it is quite the opposite. “Happiness isn’t simply a by‑product of doing well; it actually helps us perform better, think more creatively and bounce back from challenges,” concludes the Harvard expert.
